It is hard for me to be consistent in writing a blog. I had to consider that I wouldn’t be doing any bells and whistles: few photos, probably no video. No fanfair, just simple, plain writing. I felt I did have something to say that could put something constructive and truthful into a wider conversation, so I’ve begun.
Why the difficulty in consistency? I’m going to try to condense, condense, condense this. I have an underlying condition that made me vulnerable to an illness (shingles) which became an overarching illness in itself. It’s a rare situation with shingles (although, I’ve read many histories, so I think it’s just underreported and soon the medical community will catch up, as seems the predictable outcome of many conditions). The underlying condition and shingles aggravate each other. I have an inability to control my own inner thermostat – therefore, I have difficulty being exposed to heat – of any kind. Heat will trigger neurologic symptoms and the shingles illness, which has its own complex of symptoms: Eyesight, face pain, chest pain, shortness of breath, triggered asthma, paralyzed intestines/bowel, severe leg pain (both legs, left more than right) with difficulty and limitation in standing, sitting, walking.
I have been offered and, at various times, have taken pain killers: morphine in the form of MS Contin, Fentanyl patches, Vicodin and so on. I do take some pain medication (none of the aforementioned), but my go to is meditation and a serious attempt at a mindful life. I have many assets in my treasure chest. I use them freely. For me, I feared the pain medication trap and the whole western medicine protocol for pain (as it exists in most parts of the country), at this time. The protocol is: antidepressants, anxiolytics, opioids, other painkillers, and antispasmodics. An inadequate and dangerous protocol for just about everyone. A deathtrap for personality and functioning, in my opinion and experience. I looked to and explored (for 20yrs) the approach begun in 1979, MBSR (mind body stress relief), established by Jon Kabat-Zinn. I looked to Insight Meditation Society resources and info. I looked to yoga. I began studying yoga over 40 yrs ago (when it wasn’t hot, cool or popular). I achieved certification in the teaching of yoga and meditation, but I am no longer physically able to teach yoga, though I maintain a daily program for myself.
Pain, and other manifestations of the illness, now prevent me from getting out much. I live in a beautiful place but a rigidly conservative and predominantly fundamentalist religious area. I am not those things. I had to reach out and work hard to find community and it’s difficult for me to travel to that community as frequently as I would like. I am thankful to the internet, lol, you bet – because I can have conversations with those whom I share common interest; and, can listen, hear a different conversation, ideas and encouragement, as well as feel I have something to contribute, still. Pain limits my ability to write every day, or even consistently. So, sometimes a day or week is better than another. It isn’t that I lack initiative or interest.
I’m hoping that blogging reaches others who have similar stories and who are working positive searches and ideas to improve and enhance their quality of inner life and that of others. That’s already too much, too many. Thank you for stopping by. Let me know about your blog, please, I’d like to read you. Make a day of tea and toast with kindness, with love. Lilie